I’ve contracted a bad case of senioritis. One month till graduation and all that runs through my mind is “where will I work? Will I work? What if I don’t find a job and have to start asking my parents to cover rent? how pathetic would that be?”
and this is my monologue. this is the story I tell myself. That I’ll be 30 and still paying rent on a one bedroom apartment, sending out resumes and cover letters to companies I read about online, praying for a response. I stress myself out with these nightmares. With stories of self-doubt and incompetence. It’s really quite annoying.
It’s better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles
I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of self mastery, of controlling your mind and redirecting your thoughts. It truly is the hardest thing. I can manage straight A’s, multiple jobs and relationships, a healthy lifestyle and a clean home, but I cannot for the life of me, stop the negative narrative whispering from the valleys of my mind.
But what if I did? What would it look like, what would it feel like if I told myself a different story? What if the 9 years it took me to graduate college was an asset and not a hindrance? If my age showcased my experience rather than disqualified it?
What would become of me if I believed I was destined for greatness?
I’m learning to focus on every day. To do what is most important, every day. Whether that is sitting a reading, going for a run, or calling a family member to catch up. What will become of me is up to me, and it starts with the mind. I’m learning that we must reaffirm ourselves before anything else, before anyone else.