Maybe I need you

there comes a time when you have to let go

of expectations, of rules, of appeasing people

of guilt,

of trying to do things the right way

because here’s the thing

there is no right way. there is no predestined path that you will be morally dinged for straying from.

there are endless paths

some amazingly narrow, some nauseatingly windy and long

but that’s the beauty of life

that’s its mine to choose

and if I ever get to where I’m going,

it wont matter how I did it

what will matter is if I am happy

and was happy doing it

that my wheels didnt completely fall off

and that I didn’t hurt people or compromise my morals

 

a long embarrassing history of dating losers,

putting them before myself and my own pursuits

and then regretting it later,

…did something to me.

it changed me.

I stopped worshipping love and started pursuing my education

started thinking about how to take care of myself and make a good life for myself

because relationships are fleeting, and myself is the one person I can’t let down.

and so now

now that I have a loving, responsible, loyal, successful man who adores me and would sacrifice anything for me

i still find ways to fuck it up

because i still have thoughts of protecting myself

but maybe this is someone I don’t need to protect myself from

maybe this is someone who has my best interest at heart
who I can let down my gaurd for,
take a risk with

maybe its time to let go off all that bullshit and ideas about how things are supposed to be

and just be happy that things are as good as they are.
Cause they are
Really fucking good

 

I know now it doesn’t matter how well I say grace //if I am sitting at a table where I am offering no bread to eat

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know what i mean?

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