there comes a time when you have to let go
of expectations, of rules, of appeasing people
of trying to do things the right way
because here’s the thing
there is no right way. there is no predestined path that you will be morally dinged for straying from.
there are endless paths
some amazingly narrow, some nauseatingly windy and long
but that’s the beauty of life
that’s its mine to choose
and if I ever get to where I’m going,
it wont matter how I did it
what will matter is if I am happy
and was happy doing it
that my wheels didnt completely fall off
and that I didn’t hurt people or compromise my morals
a long embarrassing history of dating losers,
putting them before myself and my own pursuits
and then regretting it later,
…did something to me.
it changed me.
I stopped worshipping love and started pursuing my education
started thinking about how to take care of myself and make a good life for myself
because relationships are fleeting, and myself is the one person I can’t let down.
and so now
now that I have a loving, responsible, loyal, successful man who adores me and would sacrifice anything for me
i still find ways to fuck it up
because i still have thoughts of protecting myself
but maybe this is someone I don’t need to protect myself from
maybe this is someone who has my best interest at heart
who I can let down my gaurd for,
take a risk with
maybe its time to let go off all that bullshit and ideas about how things are supposed to be
and just be happy that things are as good as they are.
Cause they are
Really fucking good
I know now it doesn’t matter how well I say grace //if I am sitting at a table where I am offering no bread to eat