being okay

I had a good day hanging out at my friends company’s warehouse, sewing some stuff for the the summer line. Then I spent the rest of the day at our neighbors house caring for their dogs while they are out of town. I love coming over here, their house is absolutely gorgeous and so peaceful. I love just laying on the couch reading my book and cuddling with the dogs. I think it’s important to spend time with yourself.  You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by others. It’s important to be able to just sit and be with yourself and allow yourself to feel and go through things and not always rely on other people for a listening ear or feedback. Try sitting and listening to yourself and seeing how you feel about the situation and what you think about it. You have to validate your own feelings before you allow othes to validate them. You have to be okay with yourself before you can be okay with other people.

I think its normal to want things to be okay, for things to go right. But when you are living with people who are struggling with addictions, you cant hold onto expectations of okayness. You have to expect that things are not going to be okay, and you have to prep yourself to deal with those situations when they arise. Otherwise, your life turns into one of those awful Lifetime movies full of conflict, despair and Joan Allen breakdowns.

Understanding that your happiness is not dependent on whether or not someone else drinks or uses or lies or engages in any other destructive, self-seeking behavior, is key to being okay yourself. It’s a daily decision of choosing to focus on what you can do, and only what you can do.

Sometimes is really difficult. And it sucks. And it sucks the life and hope out of you.

And on days like that you escape from being around those people and you be with yourself. you read and watch Oprah re-runs and drink too much coffee and think about all the things that you are proud of yourself for. Because at the end of the day that is all that really matters – that you are proud of who you were today.

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know what i mean?

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