that person

You know that one person who everyone tries to hook up with their friends or family members. That one person who’s so pathetically single they can no longer fish for their own kill. Attractive, young and smart, but always has the worst of luck with dating.

it’s hit me…

that I’m now that person.

seriously. I’m only 24 people! Maybe, just maybe, I enjoy being single and pursuing my career and education. Or maybe the “selection” of men is so seriously deficient and devoid of anyone that I would actually like to spend more than 24 hours with, that I prefer to spend my nights deep conditioning my hair and getting tipsy off half a glass of wine while watching Will & Grace re-runs.

And then theres all these clowns that mistake politeness for genuine interest…..like excuse me little boy, if your working in my yard for my father, please don’t try to hit on me while I’m perfecting my summer tan. THATS A NO.

also, to the other grown boys who think flattering me and admiring how “hot” my tattoos are….just stop. tattoos are really not that cool and my life does not revolve around them, or me taking pics of myself at awkward angles to show off my tattoos. like people really need to stop with these bathroom photos – your not that tight. I mean if I really think about, theres a simple list of basic NO’s that eliminate most people on my social media playing field from dating potentials.

1. No bathroom pics – ever.

2. No deep v necks to show off your hairless, trendy eagle tatted chest – THATS A NO.

3. Don’t be a negative, self righteous bastard who is closed minded to different types of music and ethnicities.

4. If you’ve texted me 3 times and i don’t reply, please DO NOT assume that I am in the shower awaiting your arrival with cheap vodka and cliche pick up lines.

5. If your idea of a date involves any establishment with a drive through and riding public transit – or better yet, having me pick you up!

6. If your text messages have a signature.

its really not that hard people. Step up or step off. Plus, I’ve not even been single a year! People, please, I don’t need to be matched up with your cousin Vinny or that “really nice guy” from the office – we all know “nice” is code for “ugly”.

k thanks.

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know what i mean?

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