how to lose weight and impress people

After a late night of studying and shit talking, the boys talked me into going to a Bikram Yoga class with them this morning. I used to do yoga quite often, and sometimes Bikram (which is just yoga in a heated room so it feels like your slowly dying in a sauna surrounded by half naked strangers) but it’s been a minute so I was a little hesitant. Not to mention the very first time I tried it, I was in London, on a juice fast with some friends, and passed out during the class – apparently you are supposed to eat before you submit yourself to such torture.

In hopes of not repeating that embarrassing situation, I made a protein smoothie about an hour before take off. Before the class started I was already doomed, Jimmy called my bluff. He laughs and says “you okay? you look really nervous”

i laughed. i was. i dont know why it was really weird and funny at the same time.

Anyways, this class had a biking component, like spin class in hell, and thats what did it for me. 2o minutes in I feel really light headed and nauseous, i run out of the class and basically repeat the London experience verbatim. read: stumble out of class, stagger towards front desk, collapse to floor, use pathetic hand waving/gesturing to attract attention of cute male client, then proceed to whimper something about passing out. However, I diverged off the path a bit and instead of actually passing out, I threw up. Protein smoothie surprise.

Gracefully, I recover and stay seated on the floor by the front desk, where my guardians have close watch. I stay there for the remainder of the class, till the boys come out and I have to explain to them what happened. Apparently I was the weakest link. We were “in a marathon, they passed me the baton, and I dropped it”

impressive i know. well i learned a couple things…my body doesn’t adjust well to heat or hard work. vomiting on yourself is a great first impression, remarkably rememberable. and i have really awesome friends.

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