sometimes

sometimes i wish i had it all figured out

he said,

life is about learning from one day to the next

i say id like to get my head out

from beating in my chest

sometimes i wish i had it all figured out

i wish life was like the boardgame

i could spin and land on my future

maybe trade it in if it sucks

we’d all have careers, removable family members

and multi-colored bucks

sometimes i want to give up on school and just be pretty

maybe find a man with some money who wants a baby

Thanks Giving // For Giving

Another successful Thanksgiving, this time with almost the entire family. I have so much to be thankful for, friends and family, (friends who are family) our health, our wealth (spiritual and material), my education, opportunity, God’s favor and forgiveness.. . the list goes on. I am grateful that I live close enough to my family that I can drive up and see them frequently, I wish my older brother could do the same, you are forever here in spirit brother! I think it’s easy to get caught up on disappointments, whether its a financial setback, occupational loss or failed relationship, there are so many situations begging for negativity that it’s tempting to give in. But we don’t. we can’t. Staying positive is more than a mental attitude, its a way of life. Its a perpetual acknowledgement of the giver of all good things.

As the beautiful Ella Baker once said,

” I keep going because I don’t see the productive value of being bitter. What else do you do? Do you get so bitter that you give up? To me, I’m part of the human famliy. What the human family will accomplish, I can’t control. So how do you keep on? I can’t help it. I don’t claim to have any corner on any answer, but I beleive that the struggle is eternal. Somebody else carries on.”

Just when I feel like my spirit is being attacked, God provides more than enough. I am forever indebted to my family for be so supportive, encouraging, and loyal. Its about seeing each other for who we are and who we fall short of being, and loving you nonetheless. I could not be surrounded by more genuinely beautiful people, love you fam!!

xoxo,

aj

All That

My friend Nick had a show tonight at the Independent in SF, playing drums for K-Flay. This lil homie A-1 opened for them, he kinda killed it, and was a gentleman. I wish I had better pics of the night, I am so proud of Nick, he is so dedicated and passionate about music, its really cool to see him doing so well with it, US  Tour!? Love you!

No Regrets

Lucy was 7 and wore a head of blue barettes
City born, into this world with no knowledge and no regrets
Had a piece of yellow chalk with which she’d draw upon the street
The many faces of the various locals that she would meet
There was joshua, age 10
Bully of the block
Who always took her milk money at the morning bus stop
There was Mrs. Crabtree, and her poodle
She always gave a wave and holler on her weekly trip down to the bingo
parlor
And she drew
Men, women, kids, sunsets, clouds
And she drew
Skyscrapers, fruit stands, cities, towns
Always said hello to passers-by
They’d ask her why she passed her time
Attachin lines to concrete
But she would only smile
Now all the other children living in or near her building
Ran around like tyrants, soaking up the open fire hydrants
They would say
“Hey little Lucy, wanna come jump double dutch?”
Lucy would pause, look, grin and say
“I’m busy, thank you much”
Well, well, one year passed
And believe it or not
She covered every last inch of the entire sidewalk,
And she stopped-
“Lucy, after all this, you’re just giving in today??”
She said:
“I’m not giving in, I’m finished,” and walked away
__________________________________________
1 2 3
That’s the speed of the seed
A B C
That’s the speed of the need
You can dream a little dream
Or you can live a little dream
I’d rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase
But never get it

Now Lucy was 37, and introverted somewhat
Basement apartment in the same building she grew up in
She traded in her blue barettes for long locks held up with a clip
Traded in her yellow chalk for charcoal sticks
And she drew
Little bobby who would come to sweep the porch
And she drew
The mailman, delivered everyday at 4
Lucy had very little contact with the folks outside her cubicle day
But she found it suitable, and she liked it that way
She had a man now: Rico, similar, hermit
They would only see each other once or twice a week on purpose
They appreciated space and Rico was an artist too
So they’d connect on saturdays to share the pictures that they drew
(Look!)
Now every month or so, she’d get a knock upon the front door
Just one of the neighbors,
Actin nice, although she was a strange girl, really
Say, “Lucy, wanna join me for some lunch??”
Lucy would smile and say “I’m busy, thank you much”
And they would make a weird face the second the door shut
And run and tell their friends how truly crazy Lucy was
And lucy knew what people thought but didn’t care
Cuz while they spread their rumors through the street
She’d paint another masterpiece
___________________________________________

Lucy was 87, upon her death bed
At the senior home, where she had previously checked in
Traded in the locks and clips for a head rest
Traded in the charcoal sticks for arthritis, it had to happen
And she drew no more, just sat and watched the dawn
Had a television in the room that she’d never turned on
Lucy pinned up a life worth’s of pictures on the wall
And sat and smiled, looked each one over, just to laugh at it all
No Rico, he had passed, ’bout 5 years back
So the visiting hours pulled in a big flock o’ nothin
She’d never spoken once throughout the spanning of her life
Until the day she leaned forward, grinned and pulled the nurse aside
And she said:
“Look, I’ve never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven’t pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So i’ve been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!”
Well!
The nurse jumped back,
She’d never heard Lucy even talk,
‘Specially words like that
She walked over to the door, and pulled it closed behind
Then Lucy blew a kiss to each one of her pictures
And she died.

((Aesop Rock))

the world to me

Another beautiful weekend in Sac.

I am overwhelmed by love for and from my family.

It’s Saturday night, Mia and the dogs are asleep on the couch next to me.

Family has always meant the world to me,

and when I say family

I dont mean blood

I mean those people who are there no matter what.

Because life is unpredictable

painful

and messy

family is my foundation

the root beneath the tree.

My mom took me to get my hair done this afternoon. Five hours later I emerge, no longer with black hair! We stopped by the sport’s garage on the way home to see my dad for a minute before I left for Roseville. He called me later on in the night, saying how much he liked my hair, that I am beautiful and how proud he and mom are of me for the choices I am making. That meant a lot to me. I have always wanted to make my parents proud, and I know that they probably are, but its different to hear it. People need to hear it.

As the apostle John said,

“Dear children, let us not just  love with our words or tongue, but in action and in truth”

We need to be intentional about our love. our words. and our actions.

Too often we get caught up in the hustle of our own lives that sometimes we dont think about what others’ might be going through.

We are such beautiful, powerful beings

and we need to remind each other of that

everyday.

so if your are reading this, know that i love you and you are awesome

Everything I Needed to Know, I learned from the the Betches

111. The 1%

The Betches on Oct 17, 2011

For the past few days, we’ve been hearing murmurs about something called Occupy Wall Street. We assumed it had something to do with a fucking career fair, so obviously banished it from our radar. But then a herd of poor people got in the way of our daily commute to Barney’s (we day-time as personal shoppers, for ourselves). Fuck the 99%, this is war.

So we took to Twitter to research this “movement.” Flash forward to two hours later and we’re finally caught up on Kim Kardashian’s tweets. Sorry, what were we just saying?

As it turns out, recently a bunch of ugly poor people thought it was okay to be annoying and ask for money like this was an episode of the Jersey Shore or something.

protestsDear gross hippies: this isn’t a democracy, it’s a betchocracy

Needless to say we still have no idea what the fuck this “movement” is about. But neither do the protesters, so let the shit-talking begin.

The people occupying Wall Street seem to be just as confused about what they’re doing as the people writing blog posts about what they’re doing. Something tells us we could take old our “Free Lindsay” sign to this protest and go totally unnoticed. As a matter of fact, if betches owned Birkenstocks or knew how to get to Wall Street we’d already be fighting for America’s Favorite Fuck-Up.

Anyway, who determined this 99% vs. 1% thing? 99% of every bro a betch has ever made eye contact with works on Wall Street. This shit is skewed, and that’s probably because America’s youth can’t do math. Go fucking protest about the education system why don’t you?

too betchy to fail

Whatever, betches love the 1% and here’s why:

– Betches are the 1%. We actually invented it, but we guess the 99% thought that “the Lucky Sperm Club” was a bad #9 nicknamefor their enemies in the 1%. It’s calledsniffle-down economics. Fucking duh.

– We’ve never concerned ourselves with 99% of the people around us before, why would we start now? Like, stop trying to make the 99% happen, it’s not going to happen.

– Obviously, in any epic battle between a small group of better people and a big group of worse people, betches will choose the elite team. Like historical betch Queen Marie Antoinette once said, let them eat non-fat flourless cake.

– The only people who should occupy Wall Street are #62 pros.

– As a betch, you’re never the protester, you’re the girl muploading the protesters with a witty caption like, “Poor people, why so serious?”

– We love how some celebrities are showing support. And not because this is in any way poor person chic, but because it reminds us of how most celebrities were dirt poor before their cheek bones scored them their first B-list acting gig. Penn Badgley, good luck getting hired by the 1% once Gossip Girl gets cancelled. Too bad, that role you played as a beaver in Easy A could have been your ticket to theOscars.

– If these people want to live in a socialist country, why can’t they just ask their daddies to send them abroad for the semester or something? Problem fucking solved. Betches for president!

And last, we hate to say it, but we actually think we might be kindred spirits with the Wall Street occupants. These people haven’t done #36 work in days and have basically just been sitting around #1 talking shit 24/7. Throw in some fucking vodand house music, and you’ve got yourself a solid Blackout Wednesday.

Occupation

So I think Ive made my stance on the whole “Occupy” Movement pretty clear, but I will say I am not down with 81% fee hikes and that is a worthy call for action.

It’s been a crazy day. There was a shooting on Campus today, which really shook me. It just seems so surreal, all of it. All day I surrounded by gangs of police on bikes, protestors marcing thorugh the streets, sirens…and shootings?

Its so easy to get distracted.

Anyways, heres my documentation of the day, starting with Telegraph lurking with the 501 boys then Roger, Tyler and I watching Robert Reisch speak on Sproul  (UC Campus mecca for social action)

I have never been amidst so many people, especially at my school, it was definitely a unifying experience.

And of course, Ise for the win!

“ Were it possible for us to see further than out knowledge reaches, and yet a little way beyond the outworks of our divining, perhaps we would endure our sadnesses with greater confidence than our joys. For they are the moments when something new has entered into us, something unknown; our feelings grow mute in shy perplexity, everything in us withdraws, a stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it and is silent.? ”

Ranier Marie Rilke