Friends With Benefits

Another day another dollar…. only 6 more days left at “the office”. Today I wrote my co-workers a pre-farewell email to let them know how much I enjoyed working with them. (ill upload it when I get back to the dungeon) After work dad and I saw “Friends With Benefits”. I’ve never been a Justin Timberlake fan (sorry Justin if youre reading this) mostly because I associated him with the NSYNC girl craze of which I grew up in, but the movie was actually very witty and entertaining. And now Im wondering if I am in love with one of my guy friends and just dont know it. Everyone always says that this one friend and I look at each other a certain way and have “chemistry” … i say no it was “political science” and that was last summer. When I was 18 I fell for my best friend…I remember trying to deny it with every ounce of my being (prolly because I was dating his best friend) When he left to go to bootcamp for the army for 3 months I was hysterical and having a really hard time with it..thats when my mom knew. The summer he came back we were inseperable… sporadic road trips to santa cruz, staying up all night drinking wine and watching movies, walks to nowhere…tatle tale signs of puppy love but “its nothing” to me. I remember talking to my friend JD about it..

JD: I think your in love with kevin

me: yeah right hes just my best friend

JD: do you smile when your with him?

me: yeah all the time

JD: yeah but do you think about him when your not around him?

me: yeah

JD: then youre in love with him amy!!

and i was. cause obviously love is decided in two easy questions. well maybe it was infatuation. i mean who is going to admit to being in love with someone when the relationship developed on adderall and alcohol and ended in split custody and bruises? right. Anyway, the movie just reminded me of that feeling, of knowing that someone is very special to you and not knowing how special.

on another note, i cant stand my mother.  i honestly think she hates me and does not want me to be happy, or at least is so envious of my happiness and good fortune that she takes it out in spite. i wish she would do something with her life so she can stop fucking up everyone elses. i wonder if she can read this? i hope not. but if so, i love you mom but i dont like you and you make me feel like shit.

its amazing how pounding black plastic keys on a board can bring so much joy and resolution. or maybe its the wine. .. did i mention its day three of the fast and after the movie we stopped for our dinner (wine) at the store and grabbed a box of potato salad. we sat, like crack fiends, in the car shoveling down the salad, afraid that a family member would pull into the parking lot and bust us. we stuffed and scrammed, making a clean get away from the scene of the crime. Eric, dont be upset, I was really only doing the fast to support the rest of you, does anyone really think I need to be a skinnier bitch? and plus my eating habits are already extremely healthy. so there. justification at its finest. 🙂

night world.




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know what i mean?

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