What a weekend! I had such a good time with my brother and dad at the state fair, $1 beers and horse races…who would of thought being white trash could be so fun!
I started running again, it feels so good (the energy not my ass jiggling in spandex) Pedicures and compliments feel good too…even if the compliments are drunken advances from your best friends, at this point i’ll take what i can get. I’m not the type of girl that gets off on random guys trying to flatter me with one liners and eye fucks, but I must admit, post-break-up, it really boost my self confidence. I know I’m not some hideous retard with a cleft lip or receding hairline, but when you lose a relationship you often take it out on yourself in self-defeating thoughts ..rejection/unworthy bullshit thinking.
I went to church today for the first time in a long time. I honestly just went for the music, something about those songs really connects with me internally and I feel so at peace….like everything is going to be okay. The sermon was good too but honestly, life is about doing you. Its about taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to be okay. Sometimes its going for the music, or getting a massage, having a drink with friends, pedicures, reading, calling into work, sending nasty text messages to your mom intended for your ex, whatever it takes, you gotta do YOU!
I had lunch with an old friend tonight. I love the wisdom and strength i get from my female friends because they are all at least 8 years older than me and have been jumped all these hoops before. Theres something comforting about sharing stories with people, feeling connected, like we’re all in this together.
I also talked to my brother for awhile. He is such a good person and deserves an amazing woman, i know he will be blessed with one when the time is right. As crazy as my family is, I love them all so much and feel lucky to be so close to them, even if not geographically. At the end of the day, at the end of relationships, you realize who is real and who never was…and sometimes that means taking out the trash! I love what Keith Haring says about life, about how it is like painting in that at any moment we have the ability to start all over, to cover it up or change it, or throw it out if it no longer serves its purpose.
Oh yeah, and I chilled on a houseboat for my friends birthday, so beautiful!
…did i mention i went to a friends 30th birthday party… there was an older black lady there doing one of those Mary Kay parties, except she was selling sex toys…and her 24yr old daughter was her associate. if that wasnt awkward enough, i was there with my “othermom” Chris. We were disguising our disgust and uncomfortableness with greygoose and fake smiles well enough… but when “Donnavin” the male stripper showed up, we had to dismiss ourselves. ..Never a dull moment in my life.